‘My dad once said he’d disown me for being gay, but now he loves me no matter what’
A gay man has opened up about his traumatic experience coming out to their dad – and how they both learned to love eachother.
New Yorker Cesar Pina recorded his story as part of LGBT media project I’m From Driftwood,Ā an archive that aims to preserveĀ LGBT people’s stories and history, to promote understanding and acceptance.
Mr Pina explained: “About 10 years ago, walking about at a family function around the adults, being a teenager. It was a conversation about children and sex and sexuality came up. And I overheard my father saying, ‘If any one of my kids was gay, Iād disown them’.”
He hid his sexuality from his dad for years, trying to ensure it remained private.
However, all that finally changed earlier this year.
Cesar recalled: “A few months ago, Iām at home and I get a text from my father, itās to the whole family, and he wants to meet up for a family dinner. And the family dinner happens.
“Weāre all sitting at the table and now weāre all about to have this family talk that my father wants us to have.
“So he goes on about how he just wants his current wife and his ex-wife to get along. Not sure how thatās going to work out. He wants us to respect my sister becoming a woman. And then his last point wasnāt even a point, it was just him passing on the talk to me.
“My father looks over to me from the other end of the table and says, ‘Cjay, do you want to say anything to the family?’
“Thereās a great pause. Itās literally just me in the spotlight and I say, ‘Okay. Everyone, Iām bi’… and everyoneās expression was just shock.”
Though his family was shocked, his dad didn’t broach the subject again until three weeks later, when he pulled him aside at a family dinner.
Mr Pina explained:Ā “I finished eating, I follow him to his room and we close and lock the door and he goes, ‘I want to apologise for any misconceptions, any bad blood, anything thatās going to give a negative vibe’
“And I told him, ‘I have nothing negative, nothing to settle. I know why you did what you did. Iām just glad I think we can move forward from here.’
“And he tells me, ‘I love all my kids equally. Iām not treating you different. Youāre special to me. All my children are. But you, Iāve come to grow with and itās, you need to see that itās hard for me. Itās hard as a father. Itās hard as a man.’
“So he did apologise for that. And itās just, it was shocking to me to see my father just all-out crying saying, ‘Iām sorry, I love you son.’
“And itās good to see my powerful man of a father to cry on my shoulder. It really, it told me more about who he is. It shows that he has a heart and a soft spot and that he can change.”
