A man ended up in ‘gay sex club’ Berghain and left a ridiculous review
A straight guy left a must read review of world famous Berlin nightclub, Berghain after he experienced an evening he wont forget any time soon.
San Antonio resident Kyle was on holiday in the German city and made a few new friends who dragged him along for a night out.
The club has strict entry rules and operates on a ‘what happens in Berghain, stays in Berghain’ basis – meaning there’s a tolerance for drugs, sex and everything else.
Little did Kyle know what he was getting into on his night time adventure, but he left a crazy review on Yelp to let us all know.
He begins his story setting the scene of a long line up to a building similar to a warehouse. Whilst looking for a spot to cut into the queue, Kyle takes out his phone which throws one of his new companions into a “fit of rage.”
When they finally get in the club, Kyle was not prepared for what he was about to witness.
“They offer me these strange looking little pills and I pass. No drugs for me. They both pop them and then start making out,” he wrote.
“I’m not talking about a little kiss or a peck, I’m talking open-mouth, tongue kissing.
“I look around and there are 3 or 4 naked guys dancing all crazy with erections.
“I decide to go get a beer and I tell myself—maybe I’m in the wrong part of the club. Maybe this is the gay section. Nope. The whole club is the gay section!”
Kyle ventures further into Berghain in hope of finding a beer, but is met with even more disbelief as hundred of scenarios role out in front of him.
“I pass in disbelief, a bearded guy butt fucking the crap out of another bearded dude. You could smell faeces and sweat.
“There’s another guy, and I kid you not… he’s got his arm, almost to his elbow, up another guys ass! I thought it was a magic trick or an illusion. It WASN’T! The guy that’s basically getting impaled is enjoying it!”
“100’s of guys, the ones that aren’t already naked, drop there pants and start masturbating on the dance floor.
“Evidently, you are supposed to ejaculate on the floor and make it slippy and then naked guys go sliding through it!”
Kyle also meets a “nazi” who tries to inject him with drugs, a man who looks like a vampire and “masturbates in his direction” and a man who has a rubber arm stuck inside of his bottom.
The out-of-depths American offered the last man help because he thought he was injured, before he realised he’d have to pull the arm out.
Kyle makes a speedy exit from Berghain, and after his terrifying experience, is sure he won’t be returning anytime soon.
He wrote: “I finally get to the exit. I hail a cab and make it back to my hotel. That was my experience at the worlds coolest night club.”
“I can handle a lot of stuff, but this place was WAY over the top. I will not be back. Never.”
Despite the review being amusing, it’s probably fake as the picture used as Kyle W’s Yelp profile picture is a photo of British comedian Ronnie Barker’s son.
