Why it’s sad that Aaron Carter lost his relationship when he came out as bi
This week Aaron Carter chose to be honest with himself and the world by revealing his sexuality.
An out and proud male bisexual celebrity is rare and we should all be grateful to him. Most people could count the out bisexual men they know on one hand.
Unfortunately for Aaron, taking this step came at a cost – his relationship.
This week on the Bert Show, Carter said: “I had discussed it with my ex-girlfriend, and she didn’t really understand it and she didn’t want [to].”
He didn’t call her out for breaking up with him for being bi, but did say that was the reason.
This promptly started some heated discussions online with many supporting his girlfriend’s decision.
As a prominent bisexual activist who also happens to be a man this debate strikes a little too close to home. The idea that our very sexuality makes us less attractive to the people we fancy is a cruel reality for many bi men.
So shall we summon the Twitter mob and condemn her to hell?
Let’s start with the most obvious point – We don’t know what goes on behind closed doors. I wasn’t in the room, I don’t know what the conversation was like or how Aaron’s bisexuality was explained to this person. So no one is in the position to either praise or condemn her.
One thing that I think is important to point out however is that she’s always been dating a bisexual man. The only difference is that he’s now chosen to be honest about it. He won’t act any different, smell any different or have sex any different.
So is it wrong that she wouldn’t date a bisexual man?
Not in my book (necessarily)
I’m no millitant leftie throwing shade on you because you happen not to find a minority attractive. I actually don’t have a problem with someone saying they won’t date a bisexual – just as long as that person isn’t saying it because of any preconceived notions or prejudice.
If you don’t want to date a bisexual because you think they are sex crazed, STI riddled cheaters incapable of monogamy then you can go to hell.
But if you’ve actually taken the time to listen to bisexuals, to understand what it really means but still feel it’s not for you, then that’s fine.
I’ve learned from experience that for many people once you’ve actually explained bisexuality and dismissed those pesky stereotypes they are more than willing to date bisexual men – in fact some prefer it.
Recently an Australian study by The School of Health and Social Development found that ‘Women in relationships with bisexual men say their partners are better lovers and fathers than straight men.’ Some women that were spoken too in the study even explained that they would never be able to go back to dating straight men at all. It turned out that straight men were the ones with more emotional and misogynistic baggage.
Most people, when it’s explained to them properly and the stereotypes are discredited find out that they’re missing a trick by ruling out bisexual men.
For example the idea that bisexual men can’t be happy with just one gender is ridiculous. Just from my own experience, I’ve been with my girlfriend for over a year and a half and couldn’t be more content. I haven’t had sex with any other men or women in that time, no orgies, it’s just the two of us and it’s going so well that this week we moved in together.
Of course there was enough Twitter hate to go around with some trolls targeting Aaron for being deceitful by being in a relationship without telling her he was bisexual from the beginning.
Let me make one thing abundantly clear, according to the Pew Research Centre only 12% of bisexual men are out of the closet compared to 77% of gay men.
That figure isn’t a result of bisexual men being deceitful, it’s a reflection of the disgustingly biphobic environment we exist in.
It’s a result of there being no venues that seek to bring bisexuals together to form friendships and help people find others like them. It’s a result of LGBT groups only spending 0.3% of their funding on bisexual-specific projects. And it’s a result of hurtful stereotypes, bad media representation and biphobia being seen as a tolerated form discrimination.
So thank you Aaron. Thanks for being honest about your sexuality with the world. Just by existing you will inspire others like you and give other men the confidence to be honest that they too think both men and women are hot.
As with all comment this does not necessarily reflect the views of PinkNews.
Lewis Oakley is a bisexual activist. He tweets @lewyoaks and more of his articles can be read here.
