Ask the Aunties: My straight boyfriend thinks bisexuality isn’t valid

Bisexuality is valid. Yet, biphobia and bi-erasure still rear their ugly head, especially for bi-women.

In this episode of Ask the Aunties, gay agony aunties Lee, Karnage and Rhys offer advice to a bisexual woman who is feeling disgruntled with her cisgender, heterosexual boyfriend’s lack of interest in queer issues.

Here’s her dilemma:

I’m a bisexual woman in a relationship with a cishet man. He doesn’t engage with queer issues and culture, and he’s just not really interested.

When I try and talk to him about LGBTQ+ issues, he says I’m “on my high horse” and thinks I’m better than everyone else.

He won’t even watch Nanette FFS, even though I’ve explained how much it would mean to me if he did.

I feel like when I’m at home with him, that part of my identity doesn’t exist.

I’m starting to wonder whether it’s even possible to be in a healthy relationship with someone straight. Need advice on how to navigate this?

Ask the Aunties: their response

Karnage kicks off with some tough love: “You know he’s straight, you know that you’re bisexual, right?

“How can you expect a straight person to be understanding of something that they are just not a part of?”

“I think it’s a fair point,” Rhys interrupts

“If he cares for her and if they’re in a loving relationship and he disregards this whole part of her identity by saying she’s on a ‘high horse’ and that ‘she thinks she’s better than everyone’ that’s not just showing a disinterest.

“That shows disrespect for a huge part of her identity.”

“You know you can’t help who you fall in love with,” Rhys continues, “She is bisexual which means she can fall in love with a straight person and that’s why it is a hard thing to navigate.”

“Number one, the relationship you’re in isn’t healthy,” Lee adds.

“I think you can be in a healthy relationship with somebody who is straight and you are bisexual, just like you can be in a healthy relationship with someone who’s an atheist and they celebrate Christmas.

“I think that if you are in a relationship with somebody they’re supposed to take the parts of you that they don’t understand and try to understand because they love you.”

Lee continues: “If they’re not willing to do that then they should find somebody that grew up the exact same way they grew up so that they can end up with somebody that is no different and have the exact same set of values.”

“I think the answer that we’re giving is that a bisexual person can date a straight person and that shouldn’t be a problem,” Rhys concludes.

“But for you specifically, dump him!”