‘No gay has all five’ is the best new gay Twitter meme

The uncomfortably relatable “no gay has all five” meme has swept Twitter.

The idea is to list five attributes which are necessary for success, but impossible for gay people to acquire.

It originated, as almost all good memes do, on Tumblr.

A user called thottistani wrote: “No gay has all 5: A job. Good relationship with father. Neurotypical brain. Ability to top. Driver’s license.”

After their post attracted more than 100,000 notes, the meme spread to Twitter, where people gave it brand new spins—or just copied it word for word.

“No gay has all five” takes its place in the pantheon of gay memes

The format has the potential to encourage judgmental attitudes in the wrong hands, but can also be insightful and funny.

Many of the posts play with internal stereotypes which have grown popular on Gay Twitter, such as the idea that queer people often struggle with driving, maths and caffeine addictions.

One such entry read: “No gay has all five: good grades. can drive. not caffeine addicted. enough plants. can math.”

“No gay has all five: a beard. a healthy relationship with their parents. the ability to count. iced coffee.”

— @CamCron

Another tweeter jokingly included just four options to demonstrate his lack of maths skills, writing: “No gay has all five: a beard. a healthy relationship with their parents. the ability to count. iced coffee.”

A different user said: “no gay has all five: doesn’t cause ppl to mute the group text. friends at the office. fewer than 5 subscription services. clothes that fit well. a consistent view of childrearing.”

complicated family relations recurrent theme in “No gay has all five” meme

Some have pointed out that many gay people aren’t on great terms with their parents—especially their dad.

Perhaps the most obvious version of this was a tweet which listed “good relationship with father” four times before adding in: “clear skin.”

Another person wrote: “no gay has all five. money. success. fame. glamour. a dad who loves them.”

A particularly savage post in this vein read: “no gay person has all five of these: 1. a father who loves them. 2. a mother who loves them. 3. a god who loves them. 4. a friend who loves them. 5. a valid human experience.”

Others turned the meme into a joke, like the person who referenced American musical Rent by writing: “No gay has all five: hundred twenty five thousand six hundred minutes.”

And some went meta, using the meme’s format to criticise the meme itself.

One of these read: “No gay has the ability to do all five: • use the bullet point • resist the urge to spam their friends by retweeting • the ability to not brag when they reckon that they do.”

They added: “• know that really, nobody gives a flying monkeys • create a sarcastic list and not run out of answers.”

And a different user wrote: “all those ‘no gay has all five’ memes are like: placeholder thing most gays have. placeholder thing most gays have. driver’s licence. inner happiness. placeholder thing most gays have.”

After being challenged to write a tweet which captured this format, the person played along, tweeting: “no gay has all five: – GCSE Geography – GCSE History – smallpox scars – drivers licence – inner happiness.”

The Twitter meme isn’t just for gay men

Tweeters who aren’t gay men also participated in the meme creation, adapting it as appropriate.

One non-binary tweeter wrote: “no gay has all five: • three girlfriends named grace • tattoo of lil dicky • macbook • complete memorisation of the movie bend it like beckham • complete self-acceptance.”

Another commenter said: “No lesbian has all five: – a healthy relationship – accepting family – a dress – an athlete (hockey, softball, lacrosse) – friends.”

And a different user tweeted: “No gay girl has all five: 1. good strap game 2. communication skills 3. over their ex 4. ready for a relationship 5. makes a girl cum.”