Woman asks the internet if she’s an a**hole for telling her transgender ex to dress more ‘appropriately’
The woman said that her ex had begun wearing ‘big heels’ and ‘extreme clothing.’ (Eric Nopanen/Unsplash)
A woman whose former spouse recently came out as trans asked the internet for advice after an argument over her ex’s dress sense.
The unnamed woman turned to Reddit after a fierce argument with her trans ex, Laura.
She told the website that since coming out as trans last year, Laura had begun to dress in “extreme clothing”.
“She’s gone from wearing relatively normal dresses and skirts to micro-minis, fishnets, big heels, the full nines, and bold makeup too,” she wrote.
“Laura is a tall woman (6’4 or so) so in the heels she is very visible and this is what had brought on my current issue.”
Couple’s son was bullied for being ‘drag queen‘s son’.
The former couple share custody of a 10-year-old son who, according to the post, is struggling with his parent’s new look.
“I am fine with what Laura wants to wear privately but my son is having an extremely hard time with it, especially when it comes to her picking him from school or taking him out for food.
“Recently he had a breakdown over it and told me that it was so bad he didn’t even want to go to school anymore, and that everyone knew him as the ‘drag queen’s son’.”
The woman said she attempted to bring the topic up with her trans ex in private, but was given “the cold shoulder over the phone”,
“My son asked me to come with him [on their] next meeting so we could bring it up together there,” she continued.
A table of nearby girls told me that I was a piece of s**t.
“The moment she walked in all eyes were on us because of what she was wearing.
“People were obviously listening and when I gently tried to bring up the topic and explain how our son was feeling, Laura became incredibly loud and angry over it and accused me of feeding my son lines because I was jealous of her confidence.
“To make matters worse, a table of nearby girls decided to join in and hurl abuse at me and tell me that I was a piece of s**t for saying what I was.”
The woman said that she and her son the “left in tears”. Since then, she has been “torn, wondering if my own personal feelings are getting in the way”.
“Was I a bad person for asking Laura to tone things down, especially given she felt she had to repress herself for so many years?” she asked.
“I’m extremely shaken by having a group of complete strangers step in and wonder if I’ve gotten old and out of touch.
“It just breaks my heart to see my son becoming so withdrawn and upset over this. [Am I a total a**hole] for speaking to my ex this way?”
Internet split on woman’s dilemma
Predictably, the response to the woman’s story about her trans ex was divided.
One reply argued: “Wearing ‘drag queen’ attire to pick up your kid from school on a Tuesday afternoon is not appropriate.”
Another added: “This is not a transgender issue, this is an issue of OPs ex having zero situational awareness and behaving wildly inappropriately.
“It would be wildly inappropriate for me, as a [cis] woman, to show up to my kids school dressed like that.”
Many Redditors said that they felt for Laura, noting that she had likely been dealing with “oppression” for much of her life.
“Asking her to dress more conservatively (to her) probably feels like she’s being oppressed,” read one reply.
Some sage advice came from a person who identified themselves as part of the trans community.
They wrote: “I went through several ‘styles’, some real f***ing embarrassing, to figure out what fit me and what I liked. It’s like going through puberty again, and figuring yourself out.”
