This bizarre story about a straight man and a cauliflower will make you feel better about your romantic life
Fresh organic cauliflower, pre-halving. (Envato/Stock image)
Dating can be hard, and no one has it harder than those whose dates include the straight man.
A perfect example of this surfaced on the internet this week, when a writer and editor at Funny Or Die called Sloane Hughes posted about having a straight man over for dinner a few years ago.
Sloane – who is non-binary and uses she and he pronouns – said: “Being into straight men is surreal.”
She went on to describe a time a few years ago, when she had invited a guy round for a meal.
“One time a few years ago I had a guy over for dinner and he asked to help cook,” Sloane said. “So I told him to halve the cauliflower and when I looked over he was literally trying to rip it apart. With his bare hands. Most insane thing I’ve ever witnessed.”
being into straight men is surreal. one time a few years ago I had a guy over for dinner and he asked to help cook so I told him to halve the cauliflower and when I looked over he was literally trying to rip it apart. with his bare hands. most insane thing I've ever witnessed
— sloane (sîpihkopiyesîs) 🍉 (@cottoncandaddy) January 14, 2020
The tweet, which has been liked more than 125,000 times since it was posted on January 14, struck a chord, with hundreds of others relating to the trials of dating cishet men.
one time i asked my ex to make me a bagel bc i was hungover and he asked me how to make it fit in the toaster, so i told him to split it in half. this motherfucker cut it like this and tried to shove it in the toaster pic.twitter.com/JWa9ZnucT6
— ??♀️ (@kaylamarino7) January 15, 2020
“Why did god make me pansexual and not a lesbian I ask myself this question every day,” one person wrote.
Another added: “I dated a guy in college who was absolutely unable to figure out the mystery of box mix cake.
“He also made a sandwich at my place once that was pizza between 4 slices of toast. I think my soul actually fell out of my body I was so confused.”
This is how my husband butters a hot cross bun. I swear he’s not a serial killer. pic.twitter.com/TmNo7GQW4g
— Frankie (@frankieisswell) January 15, 2020
While a few men tried to defend themselves/men in the thread – including some, bizarrely, telling unrelated stories about their ex-girlfriends – one man stated the obvious.
“You don’t have to ever date cishet guys,” he said. “There are plenty of other men out there.”
Amen to that.
