Fun

Internet declares 80-year-old who used ‘entire bottle of lube’ on first night with toyboy as a gay icon

Gay icon

Iris, 80, told This Morning about her first night with her 35-year-old partner and people are living for her sex positivity. (Screen capture via ITV)

Britain today welcomed its new Gay Icon, an 80-year-old pensioner set to marry her 35-year-old “Egyptian toyboy” and it is truly a time to be alive.

Chatting on talkshow This Morning today, Iris had viewers rising into the astral plane after describing in vivid detail their first night together where they used an “entire bottle of KY [lube]”.

Iris’ friends and family have expressed concerns about the pairing ahead of their wedding, who met on social media.

Iris Jones, part-time cleaner, full-time gay icon.

Chatting and video calling online, when the 35-year-old Mohamed Ibriham proposed after 15 days, Iris Jones decided to fly to Cairo, Egypt, and elope.

Meeting at the airport, she said their first encounter was “fantastic”.

She added: “I didn’t realise he was so tall, six foot two, he was an Adonis.”

 

But host Philip Schofield’s asked the major question: How was their first night together?

“Pretty rough,” Iris described, cackling away at her sin, “pretty rough.

“Nobody had nailed me for 35 years, I thought I was a virgin again.

Pensioner who 'couldn't walk' after first night with toyboy is new gay icon

The four stages of hearing Iris’ interview, as illustrated by This Morning‘s Phillip Schofield’s reactions. (Screen captures via ITV)

“Can I say that we used a whole tube of KY jelly?”

Hosts Holly Willoughby and Schofield were in hysterics at Iris’ candid declaration and sex positivity.

Irish continued: “I couldn’t walk the next day, I felt as if I’d been riding a horse.

“Anyway, we got over that, the sex is not the important thing because I can’t sleep with him.

“You get an elbow in thew face, a knee in the back. He used to sleep on the settee.”

And the queer gods said: ‘Let there be a new icon!’

Iris Jones was officially declared the CEO of the LGBT+ rights movement, as all the breath in Twitter’s users left their bodies in accordion wheezes.

Iris has officially usurped 2020’s first gay icon, Amanda Henderson.

The Casualty star accidentally calling climate catastrophe activist Greta Thunberg “Sharon” sparked countless cases of mass hysterical laughing.

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