Dating

This guy’s dad thought their house was being robbed. It was actually just his son’s hook-up

Jun 16 2020
Written by Josh Milton

Comedian Nick Lehmann gave viewers a hard-case of second-hand embarrassment in his story for Comedy Central. (Screen capture via YouTube)

Pulling a hook-up can be a stressful affair. But bringing them to your parent’s place? Well, that would class as the tenth circle of Hell to some.

In a skit for Comedy Central’s Sex Fails series, Nick Lehmann sketched out the time he brought a hook-up over to his parent’s residence in New York City, where things, as they are legally obligated to in this scenario, took many, many awkward turns.

He described how in the summer of 2015, with the air electrified by the recent legalising of same-sex marriage across all 50 states — and having recently been broken up with — he decided to go find his husband.

While interning, he was trying to figure out whether or not one of the employees was into him. So, on the final day, he said: “I gotta shoot my shot.”

Lehmann left the guy a thank you card filled with inside jokes and left him his digits. Naming the guy Linda, Lehmann said that on the following night, he texted him asking to grab a drink.

My dad thought my hook up was robbing us pic.twitter.com/enYPyZVgVQ

— Nick Lehmann (@NickStopTalking) April 8, 2020

“I ditch my friends,” Lehmann described, “toss in half of a pack of gum and down the water – doesn’t sober me up whatsoever – and walk into the bar.”

But they ended up hitting an impasse when they hailed a cab and ended up taxiing it to… Lehmann’s parent’s house. They tip-toed into the guest-room, otherwise known as a pull-out couch.

“And Linda is about seven feet tall. Like, husband material, but this guy is very big, and I’m, like, a nice 5’9″ and I kinda, like, see him for the first time that night. What are we gonna do with this?” he said, alluding to well, we assume Linda’s abnormally large… shoe size.

“And I look up to my right and there is a poster of president Barack Obama, I’m in my parents’ very liberal home, and that poster says: ‘Yes we can.'”

After Lehman got on his tippy-toes they did the deed, but he admitted it “wasn’t his best” as it all ended pretty quickly. Afterwards, they slipped into an avalanche of awkwardness, before hearing shuffling outside.

As it turned out, Lehmann’s dad thought he’d someone is robbing them and was getting ready to grab “the bat”, forcing his son to clarify that he’d brought a guy over.

Fortunately, it turned out his dad was shipping him and Linda. But alas, after the cringe-inducing encounter Linda was ready to bounce and alas, they didn’t ever end up marrying.

“Maybe it was the Obama poster?”

After uploading the clip to Twitter, Lehmann’s father, David, later clarified that he still has the bat. Seems that the bat lasted longer than Linda did.