Elliot Page opens up about feelings of ‘self-disgust’ during puberty: ‘Very erosive and damaging’
Elliot Page is opening up about the ‘disgust’ he felt with himself during puberty. (ABC News/Instagram/@ElliotPage)
Trans icon Elliot Page has spoken candidly about the “very damaging” impact of going through puberty before transitioning later in life.
The Umbrella Academy star, 36, came out as a trans man in a moving post on Instagram back in 2020, and has since used his platform to talk openly about the extraordinary difference transitioning has made to his life.
In May, he shared a shirtless selfie with fans and revelled in the “joy” he felt after accessing gender-affirming healthcare and having top surgery.
“Dysphoria used to be especially rife in the summer. No layers, just a T-shirt – or layers and oh so sweaty – constantly looking down, readjusting my oversized T,” he said in the post.
“It feels so f**king good soaking in the sun now, I never thought I could experience this, the joy I feel in my body.”
Though Elliot Page can often be seen sharing the small things that have helped him to feel more comfortable in his own skin, he’s also been open with his experience of gender dysphoria.
In a new interview with ABC News ahead of the release of The Freedom to Exist with Elliot Page: A Soul of a Nation Presentation, a Pride Month special centred around the trans community, the Juno actor has discussed the “self-disgust” he felt during puberty and how it had a profound impact on him.
“When my body started to change and clothes sat on me differently, all of that was just the beginning of really disconnecting from myself and feeling a degree of discomfort that was very erosive and damaging,” Page said.
“I think with gender dysphoria, it’s being assigned a gender at birth based on your genitalia, and that not being the reality of who you are and the incongruence and disconnect with that just continues to chip away at you.”
Delving into his time at school, Page shared that he only heard anything related to trans people discussed “briefly in health class”, but it was met with “the sound of laughter” from his classmates.
“The experiences I had in regards to bullying, it certainly only encourages the shame that literally makes you sick,” he added, explaining that he felt “self-disgust” and that there was “something wrong” with him through his school years.
In an interview with Esquire last year, Page described how those feelings have vanished since transitioning. “I know I look different to others,” he shared, “but to me I’m just starting to look like myself. It’s indescribable, because I’m just like, there I am.”
The rollercoaster that Page has been riding for the past few years will be shared in full in his upcoming book, Pageboy: A Memoir, in which he unearths the reality of transitioning and explores gender, his family life and romances.
It’s a look at the pivotal queer moments he has experienced, too.
In the first chapter, which he revealed last week, Page discusses how one of his earlier kisses with a woman, during his first time in a gay bar, helped to lift the “unbearable weight of the self-disgust” he had endured for so long.
Pageboy: A Memoir will be released on 6 June.
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