Why asexuality might not be what you think it is

Think you know what asexuality is? You might need to think again, as Samantha Aimee, who is asexual, explains.

“Asexuality means that you lack sexual attraction,” Aimee describes, noting that she believes she’s “always been asexual” but that it took a “bit of experimentation” for her to connect with her identity.

In doing so, she realised that she also identifies as aromatic – which means someone who doesn’t experience romantic feelings for other people.

“I fluctuate on the aromatic and asexual spectrums. Ace flux is not really a term that floats around very much,” she says, going on to describe the term as “when a person’s sexuality fluctuates between asexual and allosexual.”

Allosexual refers to a person who does experience sexual attraction, and who doesn’t identify with the asexual label.

“I don’t look at someone and want sex or a relationship,” Aimee, who is determined to debunk myths surrounding asexuality, adds.

“It’s a very common misconception about sexuality that aces don’t have sex. Contrary to popular belief, we’re not all virgins,” she believes. “Just because you don’t feel sexual attraction, doesn’t mean you don’t experience sexual desire or arousal. The human body is the human body.”

In fact, being asexual is a very individual experience. “There are some aces who enjoy sex, some who can take it or leave it, some who will do it because their partner enjoys it. There are some aces who do it just to have children.”

Likewise, Aimee explains that some aromantic people are also in relationships.

“I’ve definitely had crushes before, but I no longer have those,” Aimee says. “Sexuality and romantic orientation are fluid.”

Meanwhile, connecting with the asexual community has been cathartic for Aimee. 

“I’ve found nothing but kindness and friendship,” she concludes.

“In my experience, asexual people value friendship more than the average person because they’re more likely to find friends than relationships.”