35 thoughts I had watching Drag Race season 16, episode 13: ‘This is where her fate is sealed’

RuPaul’s Drag Race season 16, episode 13, employs the oldest trick in the production riggory book with a family resemblance makeover challenge, while another queen snatches her fourth win.

Last week, Dawn got absolutely annihilated in a lipsync to ‘Body’ against the season’s BBL queen Morphine, and this week, it’s Morphine’s turn to be assassinated as she goes up against Sapphira – four wins – Cristal.

Elsewhere, Plane Jane continues to prove that, much to Amanda Tori Meating’s displeasure, she’s really good at drag by snatching another win, Nymphia opens up about imposter syndrome, and Q once again sails through the competition to land in the top four.

Here are 35 thoughts I had while watching RuPaul’s Drag Race, season 16, episode 13.

• Morphine sent Dawn to the house last week, and I just remembered the absolute set-up of episode 12’s lip sync song choice.
  
• The winner of season 16 Sapphira got her fourth win last week, which is insane. For me, she is the only choice for the crown!
  
• At the beginning of the season, I would have asked for a Sapphira + Nymphia top two, but I have unfortunately fallen for Plane Jane’s Drag Race, and want her there too.
  
• Q has been saved from the bottom like four times. How is she still there?
  
• The maxi challenge, it’s revealed, is a makeover of RuPaul’s Drag Race Live! dancers, and let me tell you: I am paying attention to all of these muscled men and their very short shorts. A lot of attention.
  
• It’s at this point that I unfortunately have to make a PSA: I f*cking hate the makeover challenge. As I wrote in my rant after Loosey Laduca’s elimination last season, this is just a chance for production to give whoever they want another win, and eliminate whoever they don’t want in the finale. It’s so frustrating, because they’re clearly going to send Morphine (the best makeup artist there) home.

• Plane Jane’s makeover partner looks like Dawn, if Dawn took several shots of testosterone, went to prison and then the gym. And he tells Plane, “I want to be a hot slut.” I’m in love, I think.
  
• I just need Morphine to win and send Q packing on this here episode 13.
  
• All of the girls just being so horny for their makeover partners is comedy.
  
• Nymphia’s partner is straight! And has a wife! That’s fine, I just disagree with that lifestyle. Keep it out of my face, you know?
  
• Q’s man Sebastian is so shady, so they’re a good pair, and Sapphira’s seems very measured and like… wise. So they’re good matches!
  
• Q puts Sebastian in heels and not to be shady, but why does he walk better in heels than Q?
  
• Nymphia and Morphine are doing a tucking tutorial and it looks SO painful. Ouch. Ouch!
  
• Sapphira’s so clever, because whenever Ru gives her a hint, she immediately goes with it. That’s how you win!
  
• RuPaul watching Morphine talk about how this is her challenge like she and the producers haven’t already started placing snipers around the studio ready for her elimination.
  
• Q saying her drag is “shady and funny”. Where.
  
• Plane Jane’s drag sister is called Lazy Susan and we get the longest RuPaul cackle of all time. It’s actually ever so funny.
  
• Lazy Susan! Je scream.

• The pairs all have to choreograph a routine, too. Nymphia’s doing a chicken dance, Morphine’s doing the salsa, and Sapphira realises that her planned lewks won’t let her dance! Panique.
  
• Sapphira’s new dress is very similar to Mhi’ya’s entrance look? Is she paying Sapphira back from beyond the grave?
  
• Why are Q and her partner’s face entirely white?
  
• What is it about this Werk Room that just makes these girls break down? Plane and his partner talk about coming out, Nymhpia breaks down crying and talks about self doubt. RuPaul’s Psychological Torture Race is back.
  
• Ts Madison looks so f**king good on the judges panel.
  
• Q’s look is fun, but if we’re judging on family resemblance, these could be literally any two people.
  
• Morphine looks great, as does her sister, but I just know the judges aren’t going to live.
  
• Nymphia’s feather duo look is so fun! And love that they’re not just identical but complimentary.
  
• Sapphira and Shakira… this could be the first time Sapphira ends up in the bottom.
  
• Is Plane’s partner (Lazy Susan!!!) actually… Gothy Kendoll. No, it’s not, because she drops into a full split, and it’s c*nt.

• As expected, they clock Morphine’s partner for a little slip up with her dance routine, which doesn’t make any sense because … that’s not Morphine’s fault.
  
• Sapphira does rightfully get clocked for a lack of family resemblance, so this is where Morphine’s fate is sealed.
  
• Obsessed with Plane’s makeover partner turning into a monster. It always happens. And it helps Plane secure the win!
  
• Howling that she gets given a Drag Race monopoly set as a prize.
  
• If I was Morphine against Sapphira, I’d feel how Dawn felt against Morphine last week. I.E. There’s no way I’m winning, regardless of if I did better in the lip sync.
  
• Weird lipsync song, but Sapphira wins, as predicted. These kind of top five episodes always feel like formalities.
  
• It’s sad to see Morphine go. But boy, it’s nice to see her walk away.

RuPaul’s Drag Race season 16 continues on Friday on MTV in the US and on Saturday on WOW Presents Plus internationally. You can read last week’s recap here.

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