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Should you always bring your whole, authentic self to work?

Nov 12 2024
Written by Kirstie McDermott

In the foreground, a pair of black hands are typing at a computer. In the background there is a silhouette of a distressed person..

LGBTQ+ people are more likely to confront bullying, harrassment and discrimination at work. (Getty Images/PinkNews)

Well-meaning and earnest advice about being your “authentic self” or bringing your “whole self” to work is common these days. You’ll often see it on job advertisements: “You’re passionate about what you do and bring your authentic self to work every day”, for example.

Companies like talking about their employees being able to bring their whole selves into the office with them, because this messaging aligns with corporate wellbeing initiatives and DE&I policies.

It generally comes from a well-meaning place, and HR managers love to talk about their inclusion measures (box, ticked). But workers often find this sort of messaging a bit cringe, not to mention fuzzily-defined––and possibly even a little meaningless.

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So what do these terms even mean, anyway? Coaching platform BetterUp says that bringing your whole self to work “means acknowledging your personality, including the quirky bits, and bringing your interests, hopes, dreams, and even fears with you, even if they don’t seem relevant to your work.”

Bullying and harassment at work

If you’re part of the LGBTQ+ community however, your eyebrows may be more than a little raised. That’s because you’re very often not able to be yourself at work.

Recent research from the Trades Union Congress (TUC) on bullying, harassment and discrimination of LGBTQ+ people in the workplace had some sobering findings.

Over half of respondents said they had experienced at least one form of bullying or harassment at work in the last five years, with 19 per cent exposed to verbal abuse about LGBTQ+ people in the workplace.

One in 20 had experienced physical violence, threats and intimidation because they are lesbian, gay, bi or trans, and as a result it is not surprising that 29 per cent aren’t open with anyone at work.

bullying in the workplace — A quarter of LGBT+ people have been bullied at work. (Envato)

Those figures break down further, with 39 per cent of bisexual workers less likely to be open at work about their sexual orientation, compared to 14 per cent for lesbian and gay workers.

Additionally, 79 per cent of trans people have experienced bullying at work, and 40 per cent of all respondents who had experienced bullying at work said this had negatively impacted their mental health.

TUC points out that insecure work, such as zero-hours contracts, disproportionately hits LGBTQ+ workers and should be banned, with the national minimum wage raised to £15 per hour as soon as possible.

It also calls for the reform of the Gender Recognition Act, and says workplaces have a responsibility to provide inclusive policies, and should also adopt a zero-tolerance approach towards all forms of discrimination and harassment.

Best self is the way forward

That would go some way to making the LGBTQ+ community be able to bring a core aspect of themselves to the workplace, and feel comfortable doing so.

But what about the things you maybe shouldn’t be bringing into the office?

The push to be personality-first is grounded in the concept of providing psychological safety to workers. But it also means that everyone is empowered to talk about their personal likes and dislikes or off-beat political viewpoints, no matter how much their co-workers don’t want to hear them, or may be triggered by them.

Everyone has worked with someone who simply can’t or won’t stop talking about their views on immigration or their spicy dating life.

If you are finding that this is something you’re observing amongst your co-workers, or perhaps you’ve realised you’re revealing more than you’d like, is there a solution?

Sure, you may find it difficult to change how others behave, but you can lead by example. So, consider leaving your whole self at home where it can behave as badly as you like, and bring your “best self” to the office instead.

Leave your tendency to be grumpy, or leave used teabags in the sink for someone else to deal with, firmly behind your front door. Draw a line under topics that are very personal or divisive. Adopt a professional attitude towards, and at, work, so instead of talking about sensitive issues you might talk broadly about your weekend plans or the holiday you’re thinking about taking.

Being polite and friendly is an ideal approach at work, and compartmentalising personal issues is absolutely fine.

Remember, you are entitled to privacy. Working in a company where honesty and openness is valued is no bad thing, but that doesn’t mean you should ever have to over-share if you don’t want to.

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