An ‘outstanding’ gift – gay dad on the ‘joy’ of having a child via surrogacy

“I can’t quite believe she’s going to stay with us now,” Kevin says of his two-and-a-half-month-old daughter, who he recently welcomed with husband Michael.

Kevin and Michael journey, which began after lockdown, and is “four years in the making,” is ongoing, as they wait for the parental orders, and he describes surrogacy as wonderful and something that says has shown the couple “a whole new level of love, sacrifice, determination and strength”. 

Describing the couple’s own surrogate as a “warrior”, Kevin adds: “The fact she’s chosen to do this for us is just outstanding,” especially after previous failed attempts. “It’s a special kind of relationship without a name. She’s not a sister, aunt or cousin but she is family. We stay in touch regularly.”

‘It’s a special kind of relationship’

Kevin has created a YouTube channel, KPB, to share videos for those considering surrogacy. “We’ve had nothing but joy and love coming our way, so that’s been wonderful,” he says. “There aren’t books out there, and online support is limited. You have to be a member or sift through manuals to find what you need.”

Kevin and Michael, who have been together for 20 years, went through Surrogacy UK, which allows prospective parents to meet others through social events. Kevin describes it as “Facebook for surrogates and people who want surrogates”.

He goes on to say: “The surrogate has all the power. She chooses how she wants to help, it’s an altruistic thing. They get their expenses covered, that’s it.”

It takes about three months for the surrogate and intended parents to get to know one another.

In the UK, surrogates cannot be financially compensated beyond reasonable expenses, including medical costs, travel, post-birth holidays, gifts and loss of earnings.

‘There’s a massive shortage’ of surrogates in the UK

Helen Prosser, who co-founded Brilliant Beginnings, the UK’s first organisation to offer a fully managed surrogacy pathway, and NGA Law, explains surrogacy typically takes two to three years, with the legal process taking six to nine months after the baby is born.

She and Natalie Gamble launched the companies in 2017 to help people avoid complex situations when pursuing surrogacy, inspired by the more-structured approach in the US.

“There are going to be bumps in the road but we want to ensure that when they come, it’s from a place of stability, and that everyone feels positive about the outcome,” Prosser says.

Speaking of people who want to have children, she says: “It’s innate and we feel it is one of the greatest joys that somebody can have. 

“There’s a massive shortage [of surrogates], and we need more women to come forward.” 

In 2023, the Law Commission’s report, Building Families Through Surrogacy: A New Law recommended major changes to UK legislation to make things simpler for intended parents.

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