Every season of Buffy the Vampire Slayer, ranked from worst to best

Buffy the Vampire Slayer fans have been left collectively reeling this week after the news broke that a reboot starring our lord and saviour Sarah Michelle Gellar is close to becoming reality.

The iconic teen drama came to an end in 2003, meaning that it’s over 20 years since Buffy stood at the edge of a smoking crater where her town used to be and smiled down at the smouldering remains. Time flies.

According to a report from Variety, a Buffy reboot is getting ever closer to receiving a pilot order from Hulu. 

The outlet reported that Gellar would be executive producing alongside none other than Dolly Parton, while Nora Zuckerman and Lila Zuckerman are set to write, show run, and executive produce the series. 

While some fans welcomed the news, others reacted with anger, alarm and confusion… a bit like the way Buffy reacts when Spike tells her he loves her for the first time, or how Anya responds when she sees bunnies.

One person tweeted: “I am devastated they’re making a reboot, the ending of Buffy was pure perfection.” (Presumably referring to the end of the show’s televised seventh season, rather than the ending of the Joss Whedon-penned comic book series that continued the story until season twelve).

Another fan suggested that Faith and Buffy should be married in the reboot, and frankly, we’re here for it.

At the end of the day, we don’t actually know anything about the proposed reboot yet, or if it will even happen. Instead of worrying about the future, let’s reflect on the show’s glorious past by ranking all seven seasons.

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7. Season Four

In last place, despite a handful of redeeming features (and no, Riley isn’t one of them), is season four. Swapping the show’s popular high school setting for a fairly generic-looking college campus was always going to be a tough transition to pull off; Giles’ house was a poor substitute for the library, for example – but a strong plot, a non-bland love interest and a truly creepy, nuanced and complex Big Bad would have helped.

Instead, we got a psychology professor, Maggie Walsh, who had Dr Frankenstein ambitions and major TERF energy (you just know that if she was around today she’d own an Adult Human Female T-shirt.) The thing she made, Adam, looked like an Action Man toy that had been dropped in the toilet and was about half as scary.

Buffy’s love interest was a man so two-dimensional even other characters called him “Captain Cardboard”. Even Willow meeting Tara and realising she was gay could only prop up this mediocre series so far.

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6. Season Seven

There’s something disjointed about the seventh season. The pacing’s a bit off and the First Evil is a bit… meh. You’d think that the embodiment of all of the world’s hatred and malice, which has existed since before the dawn of time, would have had better banter. Instead, it just came across as bitchy; a demonic Regina George.

The potentials are so incredibly whiny that they make even Dawn look level-headed and mature, and the fact that everyone turns on Buffy (apart from her emotional support vampire Spike, of course) seems deeply out of character – even if the First was sowing discord amongst them all. (Cut to – the First Evil writing “Buffy is the nastiest skank bitch I have ever met. Do not trust her, she is a fugly slut” in its journal).

It has some strong moments. Andrew recording his own version of the show (“Buffy, Slayer of the Vampyres”) is a hoot, Anya’s death is heartbreaking, Spike’s redemption arc is satisfying and Nathan Fillion’s creepy preacher Caleb is chilling – way scarier than the official Big Bad – but on the whole, season seven is more miss than hit.

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5. Season One

Please don’t burn us at the stake for this: although season one will always have our hearts, it isn’t without its flaws. The Master was an iconic villain, but he was underutilized. Also, David Boreanaz was supposed to be portraying Angel as dark and mysterious, however for some reason that mainly came across as “constipated.”

Xander’s obsessive, entitled crush on Buffy leaves a bad taste in the mouth, especially after he tries his hand at felony sexual assault in “The Pack”, which he then lies about and says he doesn’t remember (we could do a separate article about all of the ways Xander sucks, to be honest. Watch this space).

While we’re on the subject of creepy sex pests, we need to mention Sid the puppet in episode nine. The middle-aged horny dummy tries to seduce a 16-year-old Buffy, makes repeated sexual references and flirts with Buffy and Willow. He’s very problematic, though arguably less so than Angel, who is 270 and trying to get with a teen.

4. Season Six

We’ve all done things we regret when we’re depressed, like eating too much ice cream or buying weird knock-off products from Temu. Others, like Buffy, have intense, insane wrecking-ball sex with a toned vampire with the body of a Greek god, the carnal skills of Casanova and the morals of an alley cat.

Season six explores the topics of loss, sadness and lack of purpose incredibly well, but that can make it a tough watch at times. Also, even Spuffy shippers find the bleak scene where he slowly humps her against the wall of the Doublemeat Palace a bit much. Even more so the harrowing sexual assault attempt in the bathroom.

Plus, the trio being the season’s Big Bad does make it a bit mid. Having said that, we could happily watch Evil Willow flay angry incel Warren all day long, on repeat. Plus “Once More With Feeling” is an absolute joy. If your annual Spotify Wrapped doesn’t contain at least one song from the soundtrack, are you even a true Buffy fan?

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3. Season Five

There’s so much to like about season five, despite the fact that Dawn is arguably at her most annoying at this point. Yes, it can’t be easy finding out that you’re actually a mystical key made by monks, but did she really have to be so bratty about it all? “GET OUT GET OUT GET OUT!!!!!!”

Glory was a truly excellent villain. Insane, motivated by hate and destruction, white and immaculately dressed at all times: she was essentially a prototype MAGA-supporting Republican wife – albeit slightly less evil.

Then there’s the absolute gut-punch that is “The Body”, and the impressive way grief was portrayed in that episode – particularly Anya’s confused, anguished speech: “Joyce will never have any more fruit punch, ever, and she’ll never have eggs, or yawn or brush her hair, not ever, and no one will explain to me why.” *Sobbing emoji*

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2. Season Two

Season two was the point Buffy really found its feet. David Boreanaz went from “wooden and constipated” to “classic movie villain,” Spike and Drusilla made their first appearance, the latter wafting through scenes like a demented Kate Bush impersonator, spouting phrases like “Spoike, moi brain feels like it’s full of SPOIDERS.”

Jenny Calendar being revealed as “Jenna of the Kalderash” was a great twist, and her death was absolutely twisted and viscerally disturbing: showcasing just how much of a grade-A, massive bastard Angelus really was.

Also, Buffy going through relationship hell while still having to pretend to her mom she was just a normal girl made for some brilliant tension, as well as scenes like the one above where she has to lie and say she’s in a band with Spike. All in all it’s a fantastic season – despite the weird episode with the fish guys.

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1. Season Three

That means in first place we have, of course, season three. If season two was Buffy finding its feet, season three is where the show put on its stylish-but-affordable boots and learned to run.

Both Faith and the Mayor are absolutely incredible characters, homicidal? Sure! But in a multi-faceted, fun and relatable sort of way. I mean, who hasn’t considered eating a box of spiders in order to transform into a gigantic snake-demon called Olvikan and feast on students at the local high school graduation ceremony?

The final battle at the school is epic as well – with Buffy’s peers transformed from hapless vampire snacks into sword-wielding fighters, as is the scene at the prom where she’s given the “Class Protector” umbrella. Honestly, if the entire series had ended with the destruction of the high school, it still would have been an amazing ride.

Also, we would never have had to meet Riley. Hopefully he won’t be in the Buffy the Vampire Slayer reboot.