Ranking Doctor Who companions by how much fun they’d be at a gay bar
A night out at the gay bar is never complete without a solid group of friends around you. But which Doctor Who’s Time Lord companions would truly thrive? Who would bring the chaos, the camaraderie? Who would want to leave as soon as they got there? Who’d be living life as if they were in a musical?
Doctor Who is full of queer moments, so we’ve gathered some of the finest companions and ranked them based on who we think would be the best on a night out.
10. Ryan Sinclair
He would just stand there, a bit confused and probably leave after an hour or so. He’d probably only go along because the rest of the group wanted to be there, but he’d rather not have bothered.
9. Clara Oswald
For the first few songs, she would be a total vibe, and her outfit would slay. But she’d be back and forth from the DJ booth requesting songs that only she wants to listen to. And when they don’t get played, she’d throw a fit and go home.
8. Astrid Peth
Astrid would be so much fun. She won’t know any Earth songs, so you’d be seeing her first reaction. She would certainly be up for the best time, but you’d be hounded by so many gays who think she’s Kylie Minogue that you won’t be able to enjoy the moment.
7. Sarah Jane Smith
Sarah Jane would give top-tier ally vibes. She might not get what’s going on 100 per cent of the time, and would call K9 out to investigate what poppers are when a twink offered her some, but she would throw some serious moves on the dancefloor.
6. River Song
She would flirt with everyone she sees, including you. The only reason she isn’t higher on this list is because you wouldn’t really be with her at the bar. You’ll catch her in fleeting moments here and there in between her pursuit of the next kiss, sweetie.
5. Martha Jones
Martha would be the last person standing at the end of the night. She might not exactly want to be, but she’d wait however long was needed, until you’re ready to go home. Then she’d buy you a kebab, put you in a taxi and load you up with water and painkillers for the morning.
4. Ruby Sunday
It is pretty obvious that Ruby loves a good time. And she will give you it. You’d be hopping from bar to bar with her, always looking for the next best dancefloor. She is only 19 though, so you’d need some serious stamina to keep up with her.
3. Donna Noble
Donna might get a bit annoyed at all the new music, requesting George Michael as much as she can, but she’d be down for a kebab at the end of the night. And you wouldn’t need to worry about anyone starting a fight with you, because she’d defend you till the end. But she would also livestream you falling over.
2. Commander Strax
Hear us out. Strax would have no concept whatsoever as to what a night out is. But he would embrace it. And he would want to be victorious. So, get ready for shots, dancing until your feet burn and staying out way past your bedtime.
The Sontaran warrior-turned-nurse would pull focus and would be such a perfect wingman. You needn’t worry about the hangover; he’s bound to have a cure. He also doesn’t believe in stereotypical gender, so would embrace everyone as equal.
1. Bill Potts
The first out gay companion and always the smartest one in the room, Bill would call the shots on a night out. And you would let her. She knows the best places to go, is friend with every bouncer and would make sure you have the best, gayest night of your life. She’s a child of the 90s, so you know you’d be getting down to some of the best music. Her girlfriend is also a puddle, so we’re sure she can pull some strings to make sure the rain didn’t ruin your night.
Whether it’s the loyalty of Martha, the no-nonsense fun of Donna or Bill’s energy, each Doctor Who companion would bring something different to your night out. We’re sure each of the Doctor’s friends would add their own je ne sais quoi to the evening.
But, if you’re wondering why Rose Tyler isn’t on the list, she can’t join you – she’s trapped in that darn parallel universe.
Share your thoughts! Let us know in the comments below, and remember to keep the conversation respectful.
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