EXCLUSIVE: HIV+ bareback porn performer speaks out
Clyde is like many 20 year old gay boys: chatty, outgoing, sweet natured, and already learning the harsh realities of life on the scene.
A former porn performer, he found out he is HIV+ last year.
BBC news programme Newsnight has been investigating the booming industry in cheaply made gay porn and the seemingly insatiable appetite for films featuring sex without condoms, known as ‘bareback.’
They discovered that four out of eight young men who took part in a shoot were diagnosed as HIV+ shortly after.
Clyde was one of those performers and he recently spoke to PinkNews.co.uk.
In person Clyde (not his real name) is the picture of health and could easily pass for 17.
He explains that was approached on the internet site Gaydar just after his 18th birthday.
He had had a profile on the site since he was 16.
“I can’t remember exactly what they said but they were two guys who were working together and they both messaged me several times until I eventually agreed to meet up and do an ‘interview,'” he explains.
“That was basically just masturbating in front of a camera. They wanted me to come back and do a shoot.”
They asked him to bring along two forms of identification to verify his age.
“They told me that most of the work would be bareback, and that they would normally check certificates from GUM clinics.”
On the various shoots he took part in during his short on-screen career he noticed laxity in the ad hoc system of checking the HIV status of performers.
“I presented a certificate about half the time.
“They would normally take your word for it. At my local clinic you have to pay £25 to get a certificate.”
He was told everyone else was HIV negative, but never saw anyone else’s certificates.
Clyde has been in two or three bareback DVDs and other scenes that went online.
“We did not work under the best conditions most of the time, it was quite low budget and cramped. For most of the time I was getting paid £100 per scene.”
His reason for doing porn was primarily money, but he also said he felt unemployable because of his lack of qualifications.
Like many young gay men, he did not thrive at school and was not popular.
“I was the school outcast,” he explained, adding that he never talked to his parents or teachers about his sexuality but that some teaching staff were aware he was being targeted with mostly mental bullying, name-calling and being isolated.
The attractions of being a porn ‘star’ to a vulnerable teenager trying to form an identity on London’s gay scene are powerful.
“I did well at it and it was great being constantly told how good looking you are.
“I did it for money. I did not have much.
“I do like that sometimes I am recognised but there is other stuff I am more proud of.”
In November 2006 a routine monthly visit to his local GUM clinic changed his life forever.
“I got a call on Friday asking me to come in for my results and I did not think too much about it at the time.
“I left it over the weekend and went in on Monday and I remember thinking it a bit unusual that they gave me a cup of tea in the waiting room.
“I just assumed it was my frequent flyer miles!
“Then I went in to the doctor and she told me and I was a bit upset and asked for some privacy and then I started calling people.”
He called former sexual partners and his friends, several of whom cried when he told him.
His eyes light up as he explains how moved he was by the love and concern so many people have shown him since he was diagnosed.
Others were less interested in his wellbeing.
Clyde claims that when he approached one production company to inform them of his HIV status they told him he could still work with other positive performers.
He has not made any porn since he was diagnosed but still has not told his parents about his status or indeed his sexuality.
Clyde has reconciled himself to his HIV status with a level of optimism that is impressive.
“I felt I needed to tell people that I had exposed because the worst thing for me has always been ‘what if I give someone else HIV,'” he explained.
“I regret doing the bareback. I wasn’t a saint in my private life, but I was more careful before I did porn.
“The only way being HIV+ really affects me is I have to be careful about my sexual behaviour and my health.
“But the biggest concern is passing it on.”
As for the future of bareback porn, he calls it a complicated issue.
“I did not agree with it before I did it but I was not aware of it being that much of a phenomenon
“While I was doing it I always thought that people should know better I still do not understand why people want to see it so much.
“There are people that say it is stupid to not use a condom and then go out and buy bareback porn. It seems very hypocritical.
“I just try not to get depressed or angry, it doesn’t help.”
